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Monday, January 22, 2001
Foolishnesses
By Paul Ford
Goofy text-toys that don't fit elsewhere
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1 My Busy DayI have so much to do (includes pictures). Friday, February 11, 2000 |
2 The Subway Diary Analyzes Current EventsFiguring out using our patented psychoanagrammatical method Saturday, January 24, 1998 |
3 26 Jan 98Bad Alternative Song Lyrics Monday, January 26, 1998 |
4 28 Jan 98The Further Adventures of Captain of Industry Wednesday, January 28, 1998 |
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5 30 Jan 98The Devil is Contentious Friday, January 30, 1998 |
6 02 Feb 98Celebrate the real meaning of Groundhog Day. Monday, February 2, 1998 |
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7 27 Feb 98A Picture Friday, February 27, 1998 |
8 04 Mar 98A doodle on a grim day Wednesday, March 4, 1998 |
9 16 Mar 98Possible Books Monday, March 16, 1998 |
10 How the NEA bit the dustWritten in the froth of deep Helms-hating. Monday, December 15, 1997 |
11 (Discussions with an) Insurance AgentWhat if my sister is massacred by hobgoblins? Friday, December 19, 1997 |
12 Baker's DozenYour mom's so fat she wears a cross-your-knees bra. Tuesday, December 23, 1997 |
13 NoMoPoMo!Absolutely None Saturday, January 3, 1998 |
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14 The Poetry ConverterFinally, something that understands poetry Sunday, January 4, 1998 |
15 The Islamic Republic of Dogs“We are going to war with the Irish! We will cast out the Leprachauns!” Friday, January 16, 1998 |
16 Cross-cultural RomanceOoblat love can be so sad Saturday, January 17, 1998 |
17 23 Apr 98Smutty Essay Thursday, April 23, 1998 |
18 24 Apr 98Pickup Lines That Fail Friday, April 24, 1998 |
19 17 Jun 98Army Wednesday, June 17, 1998 |
20 21 Jun 98January 1, 2000: The Millennium Bug Sunday, June 21, 1998 |
21 Real Things, Said by Real PeopleYou tame your own donkey, okay? Monday, January 19, 1998 |
22 22 Jun 98Microsoft Trampoline 2.0 Monday, June 22, 1998 |
23 09 Jul 98Name Your Poison Thursday, July 9, 1998 |
24 20 Jul 98Poetry in Perspective I Monday, July 20, 1998 |
25 Rats Eat VomitFilthy, filthy, filthy things in NYC Thursday, May 27, 1999 |
26 Mortar & Expounded ClicheBeating my head against a wall. Tuesday, June 8, 1999 |
27 Who's Reading? An Annotated Selection from Yesterday's Access.LogRecipient of the highly coveted Journal Something Award! Tuesday, April 27, 1999 |
28 MISTAKEArchy comes back for a moment to talk to Don, but doesn't realize that Don is dead. Saturday, May 1, 1999 |
29 HmmAn experimental play. Saturday, May 1, 1999 |
30 Satya's DogA poem about a stinky dog. Sunday, March 7, 1999 |
31 Love DittyPunk rock love. It sucks. Sunday, April 25, 1999 |
32 Ftrain Winter HaikuSome haiku, you. Saturday, May 15, 1999 |
33 The Thing I DoLoving myself, loving you. Saturday, May 15, 1999 |
34 Hitler's BrainThe truth, finally. Saturday, May 15, 1999 |
35 Tom Baylor, Space TherapistHe helps extraterrestrials get their shit together. Wednesday, June 9, 1999 |
36 His First Screen AppearanceHe tinks, he winks Monday, February 22, 1999 |
37 Inner-city Geek Trash TalkDorks is angry Monday, March 15, 1999 |
38 Wu-Tang BakeryWhat they cook at the Wu-Tang bakery. Monday, March 15, 1999 |
39 Let's Make Fun of Dirty Thnirts!People thought this was the dumbest thing I'd ever written, but I love it. Monday, May 10, 1999 |
40 AudioThis is me, testing the recording capability on a Linux system, doing an old man's voice. Thursday, January 27, 2000 |
41 Ftrain Special Report: LondonHere I am in London.... Tuesday, February 8, 2000 |
42 Pundits on Fire in HellStop telling me how to think! Friday, February 18, 2000 |
43 5 Marketing CatastrophesAll absolutely 100% guaranteed true. Sunday, January 16, 2000 |
44 Canon of ClassifiedsAuthor ISO meaning; will travel. Wednesday, June 13, 2001 |
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45 Images from in and around Manhattan, NYCLa van, a man, a plan, a bird, Dr. Ibañal Panama, Naval! Wednesday, June 27, 2001 |
46 Forthcoming Science Trade BooksWhat's coming from the physics and paleontology set? Wednesday, January 12, 2000 |
47 Alumni RegisterHow'm I doin? Friday, January 14, 2000 |
48 Urban, BooleanNew York City as a Boolean Algebra problem; also the first piece ever written for Ftrain, at the tender age of 22. Tuesday, October 21, 1997 |
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49 Bucket of DoggerelSometimes, but not often, I rhyme. Tuesday, February 6, 2001 8 sections. |
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50 SlideShowImages of Past Projects Gone Wrong Sunday, November 12, 2000 12 sections. |
51 Career Development: an ArtistCareer Development is important to a young fellow's growth. Friday, November 7, 1997 |
52 Career Development RevisitedComing back once more Monday, November 24, 1997 |
53 The Subway Diary: 02-Apr-98Combinations Thursday, April 2, 1998 |
54 TouchIt's hard to reach out. Friday, May 5, 2000 |
55 Iron-clad Legal CopyrightYou don't own me, although I am another on of your little toys. Friday, May 5, 2000 |
56 The Subway Diary: 26-Dec-97Craig Roberts Watches Television Friday, December 26, 1997 |
57 The Subway Diary: 14-Dec-97Diary of a young actor Sunday, December 14, 1997 |
58 The Subway Diary: 07-Jan-98Narrative surrealism at its worst. Wednesday, January 7, 1998 |
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59 The Subway Diary: 20-Jan-98First Person Photo/Third Person Lithograph Tuesday, January 20, 1998 |
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60 Phone CallA silver fox, an achromatic bear. Tuesday, July 24, 2001 |
61 4 Poems from the First Lines of the Poems Archived at the Poetry Daily Web SitePoetry all sliced up, and then put back together. Tuesday, February 22, 2000 |
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62 My Turing MachineI made my own Turing Machine. Or perhaps I am a Turing Machine and I'm just looking in the mirror. Tuesday, March 7, 2000 |
63 Giant Robot Construction KitTechnological interlude. Monday, March 27, 2000 |
64 If Steven Spielberg Directed PornFoolery Monday, April 24, 2000 |
65 CardsBecause you should always share how you feel. Monday, April 24, 2000 |
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66 The Subway Diary Guide to Self-LoathingA guide for getting through those bad days. Sunday, February 20, 2000 |
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67 Baffling CutenessExploring, and respectfully interpreting, the artifacts of another culture Monday, November 5, 2001 |
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68 Beyond Black Dogs and MiceA survey of creatures which foreshadow depression, and their literary origins. Thursday, November 15, 2001 |
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69 Why are robots so fascinating?A collection of random notes on works in progress. Thursday, January 3, 2002 |
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70 How to put a whole harmonica in your mouthNot recommended for larger, chromatic harmonicas. Saturday, February 23, 2002 |
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71 Answering Machine MessageFrom my friend Melanie Darning. Friday, March 1, 2002 |
72 The Top 10.25 Things Women (genders 1-2.5) Don't Know About Men (genders 3-5)Love Advice for Extraterrestrials, from the redoubtable but unquestionably masculine (in an extraterrestrial sort of way) Xortar Cheemchim, as published in Ranflax Planet 9's most prominent women's magazine (in Ranflaxian, the title of the magazine would be “grandmother(1.5)'s tri-shrimp puddin'” or “creem uk lanba lanba hroot,” but it's a tonal language, so don't even try or you'll end up accusing someone of having a labia filled with cottonwood trees). Thursday, July 18, 2002 |
73 Why I Loved the LibraryHeh. Friday, July 19, 2002 |
74 The Scott and Paul Radio ShowFor some reason, no matter how many times we show the script, no one will put us on the air. Wednesday, September 4, 2002 |
75 Wal-Mart is EverythingSelected responses from an online petition to Wal-Mart stores, urging them to continue selling handgun ammunition. Wednesday, November 20, 2002 |
76 Wikipedia Explains R&BMonday, January 29, 2007 |
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77 Keeping Your Nose CleanIt is your right to sneeze! Wednesday, January 29, 2003 |
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78 Nanobot ComixA comic strip for the very, very small. Monday, February 3, 2003 |
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79 What Were They Thinking?Monday, May 26, 2003 |
80 My Ethnic IdentityA short story. Tuesday, June 10, 2003 |
81 Frequently Asked QuestionsWednesday, June 11, 2003 |
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82 Shameful Pedantic PettinessSometimes I can't help myself. Friday, July 4, 2003 |
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83 Beautiful LadiesSelect images from our recent modeling shoot in Corfu. Friday, April 23, 2004 |
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84 Lost HabitsThe seed of our futures. Tuesday, April 27, 2004 |
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85 The Banality of GoogleThoughts on the nature of search and the importance of corporate philosophy. Wednesday, September 1, 2004 |
86 Why Evangelical Christians Should Not Vote for BushMonday, September 27, 2004 |
87 The ElectionWednesday, October 27, 2004 |
88 Voting StoryMonday, November 1, 2004 |
89 MeatsTuesday, November 30, 2004 |
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90 My Three Favorite Computer Games of 2004It was a great year for sitting and playing at INTERACTIVE GAMING MONTHLY ONLINE! Thursday, January 20, 2005 |
91 Nicknames We Gave Our Intelligence SourcesWhen “Curveball” just won't do. Monday, November 7, 2005 |
92 My New Year's ResolutionsMonday, January 1, 2007 |
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93 To what Google Base uses may we return, Horatio!In which I contribute to Business 2.0. Wednesday, November 16, 2005 |
94 Dear LazyWebLazyWeb: The idea that if you wait long enough, someone will implement that wacky idea you had . . . (or already has!) —IAWiki Thursday, January 11, 2007 |
95 TropeFriday, January 12, 2007 |
96 Elsewhere: LawyeringFriday, January 26, 2007 |
97 DöhWednesday, January 31, 2007 |
98 I Am Making a DifferenceFriday, August 17, 2007 |
99 Another Veil-lifter PitchedTuesday, January 29, 2008 |
100 Tag CloudWednesday, January 30, 2008 |
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101 This Is Just To SayMonday, March 3, 2008 |
102 NoteI wonder what the poor folks are doing tonight. Thursday, March 20, 2008 |
103 But melts just like a little girlWednesday, August 26, 2009 |
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